Some futbol action and how I almost died

Yesterday Zhangsheng, my coworker, invited me out to play a "friendly" game of soccer in Chaoyang Park (潮阳公园).

I say to him, "You know I never play and am nowhere near competent, right?"

He responds, "Oh yeah don't worry neither are we, we're just all there to have fun"

Right.
So we arrive at the park and look for the pitch that we reserved, and Zhangsheng then talks to the manager of the fields to ask which one we'll be playing at. The guy responds with something like, "Oh yeah you guys are on field 11, playing against the Italian Embassy team, right?"

...

The other teams show up. Turns out it was actually 3 teams in total: one from the Italian Embassy, one team from the Spanish/Portuguese/Turkish Embassies...and one ragtag team of Americans, a Chinese, a Ugandan and a Brit (i.e. us). Our opponents were legitimate "we're-European-so-we-learned-how-to-play-soccer-before-we-learned-how-to-walk" types of dudes...and so I'm thinking, what the heck did I get myself into...

Actually, it was a ridiculous amount of fun! It had just rained hard, and so the field was all wet and slippery. Everyone was in shape so there was a lot of running back and forth, and though my touches and handling were beyond horrible, it was at least an awesome workout for me. By the way, I still maintain that I'd have been an incredibly futbol player (I have the right body for one...disproportionately huge leg muscles) if it weren't for my mom who forbade me to play soccer when I was a kid--for fear of me getting injured...thanks mom!! (just kidding! love you mom!). Instead I was an awkward fish out of water (yeah, literally) on the pitch, running back and forth trying to chase down Italians and Spaniards who seemingly danced around me with the ball.

Here's a funny story though. And it was a great roommate bonding moment with Shane.

Because we had no real goalie, I had volunteered to step in the cage for a bit of time. Shane was playing defense, and with his brilliant skills, managed to touch the ball with his hands (although to his defense it was hardly obvious and shouldn't have been called at all). Which meant...penalty kick time.

...gulp.

So here I am alone in the goal, with absolutely no experience in playing soccer or goalie for that matter. The Italians select their biggest guy to take a shot against me. This dude is at least 6 foot 4 and 200+ pounds with legs the size of tree trunks, and you just know from the looks of him that he's probably killed a man or two with his shot before. In what feels like slow motion, he puts the ball down, takes a long step back, and pauses...a long time.

I shoot Shane a glance that pretty much says "thanks a lot dude. real nice of you."

At this point, my life flashes before my eyes. Okay, so not exactly my entire life, but just a harsh reminder of my buddy Edison who got his front tooth completely knocked out because he was playing goalie at a "friendly" company soccer game last summer. I wonder for a second how good the dentists are in China...

Right before he shoots, I vaguely recall my dad making a comment about how with penalty kicks, goalies should just pick a direction and go for it. So as he begins to shoot, I cross my fingers, say a quick prayer and dive left. Except the shot is pretty much dead center. I jerk back and succeed in tapping it, but it still ends up in the net.

Good news: I survived (with all of my teeth still intact)
Bad news: We ended up losing that game 2-1 (I blame Shane)

Fun times though!

Pics:

At the gate of Chaoyang Park there's a HUGE statue of Shaq! How cool!